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Hiraeth : A Feeling

Some days back, I was surfing the internet looking for rare/amazing words that are used very less. I came across many of them actually, the word I used in naming my web page is also in those few words. Then I came across this word – ‘Hiraeth’ and I fell in love with it instantly. The meaning attached to this word, what I felt is amazing, painful yet beautiful. The meaning is not just a meaning it is a strong feeling.

Hiraeth: a homesickness for a home to which you can not return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

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Hiraeth is a Welsh word for which there is no direct English translation but the online Welsh-English dictionary of the University of Wales, Lampeter likens it to homesickness tinged with grief or sadness over the lost or departed

While reading and re-reading this word and its meaning I somehow (i don’t know why but) got the image of thousands of people from Syria fleeing from their home with a feeling of homesickness for a home to which they can not return(at least not in near future). These desperate families are forced to leave Syria by the long war and are heading to neighbouring countries and to Europe, causing the continent’s worst refugee crisis in 60 years. Those children who survive the perilous journey arrive physically and mentally exhausted. Fleeing from home is not the only problem, frequent news of migrant’s deaths along the central Mediterranean route is also rising.

Though the countries like Germany, Turkey, Libya, Jordan, Sweden etc are welcoming the refugees with arms wide open and maybe these migrants will find some peace and place to restart their lives but will they be able to overcome this feeling of Hiraeth. And this is not the case only with Syrian people, at some point in time we all become refugees for one or the another reason and feel Hiraeth. Sometimes it’s the homesickness for a home one lived in and sometimes it’s the homesickness for the people who made one feel like home. The tragedy with the feeling of Hiraeth is no matter how much one wants to return, they just can’t. At times the door is locked from inside and at other times one locks it behind them when they leave.

One can try, fly, lie and even die but just can’t return back to a home…… which maybe never was.

But what if even one gets to return and find it entirely totally different from what one left? Won’t that feeling be worst than that feeling of homesickness? Now the home you have returned to does not recognise you as before. This home you have returned to does not love you as before. Now you are just like any other stranger this home has ever witnessed. One would look this home with the same perspective of belongingness but this home is new, cleaned and even the fragrance of familiarity has faded. This is what one does feel at times in relationships one was in or with the person one was with.

Hiraeth, if felt is not just a word it is a lot more than just a word.

 

P.S: Featured Pic used in this post is clicked by me.

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Alternatives can never compensate A Choice.

“I don’t want to do the job anymore” – I said.

“But you can’t make this choice at this point in time. The situation doesn’t allow you” – dad said.

“Then what can I do now”- I enquired.

“Well, either you can continue this job or look for some other but a job is a must for you to do. So what’s your choice? ” – Dad confirmed

“Dad, my choice is not to do a job but these are alternatives against my choice. So these alternatives can’t compensate my choice and will always remain restraints not a choice” -I resigned.

Many a time it might have happened with you also that at some point in time you have to ditch your choice and settle for something less than it. And had this emotion saved at the back of your mind that what I chose was just something I had to chose but was not my choice. And then when you are not contended with what this option has to offer you, many will advise you to still be happy about it. At this point in time questions like ‘well why I have to be happy about it if I am not feeling it’  or ‘why should I feel obliged not to be sad and for the reason that people around me tell me that “it makes us sad if you are sad”.

I mean seriously, now I do have to take care of theirs happiness along with mine even if I am not happy because I was made to do something that I didn’t want to do in the first place. This is seriously unreal. Then if their happiness depends on mine then on whose happiness depends mine? To which they answer – “well, it depends on you”. I mean seriously man? You made me do something that makes me unhappy and then you want me to be happy about it cause it makes you sad watching me being sad cause of a decision that you made me take makes me sad.

What is this conundrum? More I try to comprehend this, more I feel lost. The more I want to talk it out to resolve this, more confusing it gets. Running away from this is not a solution nor is to rage a war, cause there might be situations when you have to confront your very own ones. What is very hard for me to comprehend is that why it is expected out of someone to do certain things that are appropriate according to other. What is this social compulsion that is so irrefutable? Why do I have to worry about what people would think or say when they don’t care about what I have to think or say about any act of theirs? Why so someone has to make decisions depending on what would please someone who is only there to criticise others act and not to appreciate anything good done.

Even if someone understands or takes up this social responsibility to make others happy by their acts still why the acts have to be in accordance with others.

 

P.S: Pic used in this post is clicked by me.

First blog post: The Free Will Paradox

Hey Hello,

It sometimes does happens with me that whilst in the middle of a task I, stop to think what if, I would have chosen to it in a different way or chosen a whole new option to do? Was I, programmed to do this task in this exact way? Was I, programmed to choose this very exact option? If yes, then what about my free will? What about me thinking that I am the decision maker? And if I, was not programmed to do it in this particular way then why I am doing it in this particular way? What if I drop this option right here and now and chose another option? Will this act of mine is an act of free will or I was again programmed to act in this very particular way? God lord this is so much confusing.

Let me try to do it with and example from my life. I am a Mechanical Engineer. I think in my head that I made an independent choice. And what followed later are the repercussions of that independent decision. But why I, chose Mechanical Engineering why now Computer Science engineering ? or why even engineering? To myself, I tell because I liked the work Mechanical engineers do, hence an independent decision. But what if I had not chosen Mechanical engineering, what if I had chosen to become a teacher? My entire life after that decision would have been entirely different from what I have now.  Isn’t it? But here comes the tricky part. What if, someone comes to your and says, you chose Mechanical Engineering cause you were destined to do so. That means I was programmed to do so? And that also means that all the decisions I made that made me qualified to be an Engineer were also predetermined. Then where is my Free will in that?

I like to think that I am writing this blog as a fully conscious understanding of my free will. And you are reading it because it was your choice, your free will to read this. But what I had not written this blog, then what would have happened to your free will to read this blog? That means your free will is dependent on mine, that also means that it’s not a free will. What about the meanings of free will in the light of words like destiny and fate.

If it is Destined it can’t be a result of someone’s free will and if it is a result of share random decision of free will then how it can be destined or predictable. You would like to refer to The Libet Experiment if you are keen to see this in the light shed by science. Once on some YouTube channel I, watched a video about the parallel universe. It said that there could a possibility of much more earth with much much more me and you but living different lives based on the different choices we make.

This is The Free Will Paradox. I don’t know that you will agree with me or not but are you sure that are you making this choice out of FREE WILL?

P.S: Pic used in this post is clicked by myself.